Casual Zombie Hordes
by Amethyst Turtle
Summary: At Sanji's cafe, it's perfectly normal to be attacked by a few zombies. And to be visited by one of Hell's Demons. And to play host to a Dragon. And a bunch of other strange things. AU. Rated for guts and heads flying all over the place.


AN: AU is more fun than I thought it would be.  
This was inspired greatly by Gil's All Fright Diner.  
The roles of the characters are probably a bit unclear at first, because I'm bad at stuff like that. As a brief preview, Sanji and Nami stick through the entire story, Robin also has a big part, Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, and Brook have little cameos, and there are mentions of Franky, Chopper, and other characters.  
As for the setting... think of modern day, except with Supernatural things running amock and deemed more normal than they should be.

* * *

Casual Zombie Hordes

"Zombies." Nami said without looking up from her cup of orange juice.

Indeed, four of the animated corpses were pressed up against the glass of the café, moaning and running their tongues around their cracked, lipless mouths. Their purple, peeling skin was bloated in some places and sunken and wrinkled in others and two of them were missing their eyes. The ones that did have eyes couldn't see, since their eyes were nothing but yellowing blobs of jelly that were oozing pus, the fluids trickling down their grotesque faces and getting into their empty nose cavities. It almost looked like they were crying, in a macabre sort of way.

"Again? This is the eighth time this week." Sanji sighed. He walked behind the counter just as the glass finally gave way, allowing the zombies entrance while glass shards sprayed everywhere. The stench of rotting flesh and other unpleasant zombie materials wafted into the café. "They can never use the door, can they? Galley La is charging more and more every time I call them in. I might as well replace the glass with bricks. Or a steel wall."

The zombies moaned and dragged their feet (or what feet they had left) across the freshly mopped tile floor, leaving mud and other nasty substances on the once clean surface. Sanji took his time pulling out a rifle, since the zombies would take a while getting within range.

Nami took another sip of her orange juice and snapped open a paper. "Stocks for OHR are up three percent."

"Really? Hm, I guess I shouldn't have sold mine so soon last week." Sanji peered at the paper before loading a bullet into the rifle. He picked up the weapon and aimed it at a zombie with its brains leaking out of its empty eye sockets.

"Ugh. You should get some air freshener." Nami wrinkled her nose.

"Shitty zombies. They always drive away customers." The zombie's head was blown off and the body wobbled a bit before falling over. The other three corpses continued trudging forward, unperturbed by their fallen companion.

"Disgusting." Nami flicked half an ear off of the counter. There was no blood. Zombies didn't have liquid blood; only pus and other coagulated body fluids.

"I should hire Kalifa. I hear she specializes with cleaning spells." Sanji murmured, blowing up another zombie's head.

"Yeah, but she's working for Spandam right now." Nami said. She shivered. "Besides, she practically raped me the last time we met. Her hands were _everywhere_. If that woman isn't a lesbian, I don't know what she is." Nami shivered again. She ignored the little bit of blood that trickled down from Sanji's nose.

"Ah, uh, then that crosses her off from the list." Sanji stuttered, wiping the blood away on the back of his sleeve.

Nami finished off her orange juice and went behind the counter to refill her glass. "So did you hear? Luffy was bitten by a vampire last night."

"No kidding?" Sanji shot at a zombie, but only managed to shoot its arm off. He reached for another bullet. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine by tonight. That vampire was stalking him for some time now. Her name was Boa Hancock, or something like that. I heard she became smitten with him ever since she met him at that graveyard Luffy usually hangs around."

"Jeez. Lucky bastard. I'd have anything to have a beautiful woman love me. Even if she _is _a bloodsucker." Sanji smiled. The second zombie finally fell, its body cleanly blown apart from the chest up.

"You idiot." Nami smacked Sanji with the newspaper.

"I'm sorry, Nami-san." Sanji meekly bowed. He immediately straightened up and loaded another bullet as a zombie stumbled forward faster, probably impatient with its frustratingly slow pace. "So where's Luffy staying now?"

"He's with Usopp and Chopper. Chopper's making sure he drinks plenty of tonics to replenish his blood."

"It's a good thing humans don't turn into vampires when they're bitten by one, huh?" Sanji asked, shooting the leg off of one of the two remaining zombies. "Or else the city would be overflowing with them."

"No, it's a good thing that the vampires have enough sense to hide from the humans. Jeez, those humans are always looking around to kill things. They hunt a vampire down, they cut the poor loser's head off. They hunt a werewolf down, they stick a bunch of silver forks in him. They hunt a witch down, they douse her in gasoline and throw a match on her. Kill, kill, kill. That's all humans ever do."

"But _I'm _a human, Nami-san." Sanji pouted at her after finishing off the third zombie. "And I don't ever try to hurt you!"

"That's because you're a sucker for women, no matter what species." Nami's tail flicked in annoyance. Her nose twitched. "Someone's coming."

"A customer?" Sanji said hopefully, quickly shooting off the final zombie's head. Body matter splattered all over the floor, bodies twitching and jawless heads rolling about. Sanji quickly grabbed a broom and swept the dismembered corpses into a corner. The dark red stains would have to be dealt with later.

"No. Robin!" Nami smiled. Right on cue, a bright flash of dark purple light appeared before them for a split second, so quickly both of them would have thought they imagined it had it not happened plenty of times before. Where the brief flash was stood a tall woman with dark hair and blue eyes that reflected the flames of eastern Hell, which was famous for its cobalt flames in its salt plains where souls deemed unworthy of core Hell roamed endlessly.

"Robin-chan! Would you like some coffee?" Sanji offered eagerly. When Robin nodded, he ran behind the counter to prepare the drink. Robin sat down on the stool beside Nami.

"So, how's spirit guiding for you?" Nami asked, drinking her second glass of orange juice.

"The souls are becoming more tedious. They're always complaining about unfinished business or "accidental" deaths." Robin said, her forked tail flicking back and forth. She clicked her tongue and shook her head slowly. "I'm glad my shift for this season is ending soon. Humans can never accept Death."

"I can!" Sanji smiled hopefully. Robin pretended not to notice his eyes flitting down to her chest every few seconds. It was normal behavior, and normal behavior was usually ignored by the Oharan Demon no matter how good or evil.

"Sadi-chan invited you to a party, by the way." Robin said, handing Nami a crystal ball with a little crimson flame dancing inside it.

"Nah." Nami handed the invitation back. "Her last party involved sticking needles in the guests then lopping the limbs off of the ones who could regenerate."

"I thought it was fun." Robin frowned.

"And I fail to see how you and Sadi-chan get along." Nami said sarcastically.

Robin finally noticed the pile of body parts in the corner of the café and the after-stench that emanated from the pile. "Another zombie attack?"

"Yeah. They're really scaring my customers away. You, Nami-san, and the others are the only ones who visit now." Sanji frowned, setting a mug of steaming coffee down before Robin. "And that's because you guys have enough sense to know they're practically harmless."

Robin downed the coffee while it was still scalding hot. Steam trailed out of her throat and nose from the intense heat, but she didn't seem bothered by it.

"Your fangs are showing, Robin." Nami pointed out.

"Well, I fail to see why that's such a problem." Robin smiled. "Yours are too."

"Mine aren't retractable." Nami tapped one of her little ivory fangs (that Sanji called adorable) with a fingernail, as if to prove her point. "And they aren't all too noticeable. But yours… damn, they're sharp!"

"If you insist." Robin shrugged. Her black razor-edged fangs slowly turned pearly white and shrank until they fit in with the rest of her teeth. The Demon smiled. "Is that better?"

"I think you're beautiful in every way!" Sanji chirped up, his eyes still flitting down to Robin's chest.

"He hasn't come in contact with a succubus lately, has he?" Robin muttered to Nami. The Hell Cat shrugged.

"Vivi doesn't normally mess with human men. Besides, she already has Kohza _and _the Alabasta desert palace to keep her busy."

"Tell her I said hi."

"Sure. Hey, did you-"

"Harpies." Robin interrupted whatever Nami was about to say.

Six shrieking creatures had flapped through the broken glass of the café. They had the bodies of enormous, leathery bats but their faces were human; a bit _too _human. The harpies were exceedingly beautiful, but their expressions were filled with gluttony and malice, things that marred their beauty and made them so ugly that even Sanji could resist them. The child-sized beasts flew above them in circles in an almost annoying manner akin to persistent flies buzzing around a picnicker's head.

Nami flexed her claws, watching them dart back and forth. The harpies screeched at them, smacking their bloody lips together. "I haven't had the chance to slash these bitches down in a while. Enel's keeping them all for his own hunts, that selfish bastard." She turned to Robin and Sanji. "May I?"

"Of course, my dear. Help yourself." Sanji bowed and sat down.

"Go ahead." Robin waved a hand. Nami sprung at the six harpies with unmatched speed. In twenty eight seconds flat, she had shredded all of the creatures into ribbons soaked in orange blood, feathers and skin scattered everywhere in a blur of claws and teeth. Sanji quickly cleaned up the mess with his broom, which was already soaked with zombie ooze.

"I'm going to have to find a new broom soon." Sanji muttered.

"That was fun." Nami grinned, wiping her hands off with a napkin. "Hey, Robin, we should go hunting together soon. It's almost squid season."

"Squid?" Sanji looked at the Hell Cat questioningly.

"Monster Squid." Nami said. "They're nasty things, always hoarding treasures for themselves. They're so selfish. I hate them. Those treasures are _mine_."

"You remember that Monster Squid that attacked Franky, right?" Robin asked Sanji.

"Oh yeah. It tore his body to bits. If he wasn't a Machine Corpse, he would have been killed." Sanji scratched his head.

"But he just pulled himself back together." Robin chuckled at the little joke. "Machine Corpses are so resilient that way."

"Sanji-kun, can I have a fruit salad?" Nami batted her eyelashes at the human.

"Right away, my dear!" Sanji twirled into the kitchen, chanting "Mellorine!" along the way.

"Why do you exploit Cook-san like that?" Robin frowned at Nami once Sanji was out of earshot. "He's only a human."

"He enjoys it. You can't deny that." Nami shrugged. "By the way, how's Saul's wounds doing?"

"Half his arm grew back yesterday." Robin smiled. "So now all he needs is the rest of that arm, a few more feet of his intestines, and his right eye."

"Giants regenerate pretty quickly." Nami said, slightly surprised. "Wasn't he blown to smithereens just a couple days ago?"

Robin nodded. "Saul is strong. He doesn't give up so easily."

"Luffy." Nami said calmly.

"Hey guys!" the human teenage boy climbed through the hole the zombies had made in the glass earlier seconds later. "Did you get a bunch of new doors or something?"

"No." Sanji scowled, coming out with a plate of freshly cut fruit arranged in an exquisite pattern. He set it down before Nami and smiled in a dashing way that would have won the heart of any human woman. "For you, Nami-san."

"Thank you." Nami speared a chunk of mango with a claw and chewed on it.

"Whoaaaa! More zombie stuff!" Luffy ran over to the pile of blown up corpses and picked up a decaying jawless head that gave off muffled shrieks now and then. "Cool!" He began tossing it up and down, laughing.

"Do you want to help me throw them in the Disposal Pit later, Strawhat-san?" Robin asked.

"Yeah! That'd be really fun!" Luffy put the head on the ground and began swatting it around with a blue arm coated in dried up ooze like some sort of hockey puck. "I like the different colored flames they make when they burn up. It's like a rainbow!"

"Aren't you supposed to be healing from your vampire bites?" Robin asked, watching Luffy play with the zombie parts.

"That was boring. Chopper wanted me to sit around and do nothing but drink this icky juice. Besides, I'm fine now." Luffy said. Indeed, his skin was no longer deathly pale and had gained its healthy tan look. The wounds on his arm had also closed up and were nothing but barely visible pock marks. "Hanmock was hungry, I guess. She's a weird vampire." Luffy said cheerfully.

"Hancock." Robin corrected. "And Chopper simply let you leave?" It was unusual of the reindeer Potion Master to let his patients leave so early.

"Uh, sort of. Zoro crashed down into the shop, so Chopper was busy with him and Usopp was hiding inside the ground. They didn't see me leave." Luffy said, concentrating on swatting the zombie head.

"Did that shitty Dragon hurt himself again?" Sanji smirked, lighting up a cigarette.

"I guess he got in a fight with that Mihawk Dragon guy again. Mihawk is too strong for him. He's loads of decades older and a lot more experienced, but Zoro won't listen." Luffy frowned. "Zoro's my best friend. I don't like it when he strains himself like that."

"He'll be fine. Dragons are tough." Sanji waved it off. "So Chopper and Usopp are tending to him right now?"

"Yup. Chopper was fixing up some potions and salves but Usopp was hiding inside the ground. I guess it's a Ghost thing." Luffy shrugged. "Oi, Robin, are Ghosts supposed to be cowardly?"

"The souls I have been sending into Hell lately are whiny and uncooperative, and constantly try to kill me. Longnose Ghost-kun is an exception, I suppose." Robin had allowed Usopp to remain bound to the living world and become apprenticed to Chopper after the boy had died ages ago, since his death _had _been her own fault. How was she supposed to know that human bones were so damn _delicate_? Besides, it was all an honest mistake.

"Usopp's a funny Ghost." Luffy laughed. "He tells the best stories."

"Go back to Chopper's shop before he throws a fit. Remember the last time he threw a fit?" Sanji asked. "Half of the city sunk under the ocean and it took him seventeen full hours of incantations to fix everything. And that was just because someone called him a tanuki."

"Fine." Luffy pouted. He turned to Robin. "Can you teleport me back? My feet are tired."

"Don't bother Robin! She's one of Ohara's most prestige Demons! Demons can't bother with trivial human problems like that!" Nami snapped.

"No, no, it's no trouble. There you go." Robin stabbed a finger through Luffy's forehead, but instead of piercing skin and crushing skull, it simply passed through him harmlessly like water. "I'll come by Chopper's shop to pick you up later so we can dump the zombie parts, okay?"

"Okay!" Luffy smiled. "See you later, Robin!" His image vanished in a flash of dark purple light.

"He's one special human. But stupid as shit." Nami half-smiled grudgingly. "Most humans would scream and try to shoot us on the spot if we revealed our true forms to them."

"Not me!" Sanji chirped up, fixing a cup of tea for himself.

"Yeah, yeah." Nami said. She stretched her arms. "Finally. It's just us three again."

"Brook." Robin said.

"Seriously?" Nami sighed. A tall, lanky figure stepped over broken glass, polished shoes crunching shards.

"My, my. Such a mess." The man said, his afro bobbing up and down. He was literally nothing but skin and bones, his face incredibly gaunt and his limbs as skinny as sticks. His skin had an almost slimy, rotten look to it. "Good afternoon, Sanji-san. Miss Robin. Miss Nami."

They all nodded their greetings at Brook. He sat down beside Robin, not bothering to hide his glances aimed down at her short leather skirt. "Miss Robin, may I have the slightest peek of your panties?"

His head suddenly burst into flames inexplicably. Brook shrieked and flapped his arms, patting at his flaming afro frantically. "Not the hair! Not the hair! Oh, please, not the afro!" Just as soon as his head ignited, the flames disappeared. He was completely unharmed, but was trembling from the mysterious attack.

"No, you may not." Robin calmly said. Brook, the cursed Immortal, made it a daily ritual to request a glance at the Demon's and the Hell Cat's panties, and even Robin's eternal patience was strained with his bad manners.

"Food, Sanji, food please!" Brook pounded his skeletal hands on the counter.

"Why? You don't even _need _food. Your curse just turns whatever you eat into dust." Sanji said. "I don't want to waste what little supplies I have left. I'm barely making enough to keep this place running."

"But it's the simple joy of feeling the food sliding down my esophagus, before I have to regurgitate it all up later." Brook said.

"No. I don't want to have to clean up your shitty dust barf." Sanji scowled.

"Very well." Brook sighed. He leaned over to Nami. "Please, what color are your panties today?"

"The color of your pancreas." Nami said threateningly, baring her claws at him.

"Yohohoho! But I have no pancreas! A three-eyed buzzard ate mine years ago! Yohohoho!" Brook laughed.

"I fail to see the humor in that." Sanji said dryly. Brook casually reached into an enormous scabby gash in his chest and pulled out his heart, which was still attached to his body by several dried up veins.

"So, how is business doing, Sanji-san?" Brook asked as he polished his heart on his dusty sleeve.

"Terrible. The zombie attacks are driving away all the humans. And the Supernaturals all go to Shakky's Bar. My food is way better than Shakky's shitty beer nuts!" Sanji said angrily.

"It is all about the location." Brook said patiently. "Shakky's Bar is conveniently just on the outer borders of core Hell, making it a popular rest stop for travelers. Your café, Sanji-san, is in the center of a human city. Most Supernaturals tend to avoid such concentrated areas of humans."

"Except Nami-swan and Robin-chwan!" Sanji swooned.

"And I don't even know why." Nami sighed.

"Humans make convenient snacks. They're very easy to kill, and the flesh is tender and juicy when raw." Robin commented, her bright blue eyes glinting in an almost predatorily manner. Sanji didn't seem to be bothered by this.

Nami made a face. "They're too hairy for my liking."

"Oh dear!" Brook gasped as a patch of skin peeled right off his left cheek, revealing stained bone beneath. "I apologize. I'm shedding, you see."

"You should carry a bucket around to catch all the flakes." Nami said sarcastically.

"A wonderful idea! Yohohoho!" Brook stood up, balancing his tiny hat on the top of his massive afro. "I must go; I have an appointment with Ryuuma-san today. He's offering a whole large intestine today! Special bargain!" And with that, the cursed Immortal rushed out of the café, Yohohoho-ing all the way.

"So annoying." Nami muttered, rubbing her temples.

"I think Immortal-san is quite amusing."

"Said the Demon who set his head on fire."

Robin shrugged.

"Would you ladies like anything else? Beverages? Snacks? Desserts?" Sanji asked.

"More orange juice, please." Nami said. She turned back to Robin. "Seriously, though, you can be such a hypocrite sometimes."

"I think you're using that in the wrong sense."

"Oh, you get what I mean!" Nami threw her hands up. One of the zombie heads rolled over to them and tried to bite Nami's ankle. She calmly booted it away, and it splattered against the wall and slowly slid down, leaving a trail of dried up brains and pus.

"Why do you suppose zombies are so attracted to Sanji's café?" Robin mused.

"It's probably because _we _hang around here. You know zombies have a taste for Demon flesh and Hell Cat ears. We're lucky they're so damn stupid and slow." Nami's ears involuntarily twitched. "I'm surprised Sanji-kun hasn't kicked us out yet, what with all the constant zombie attacks."

"And we all know why he hasn't." Robin smirked.

"Because he loves women." The two of them said in unison.

"And that's why he's so brain-dead, even for a human." A heavily-scarred man with green hair stepped inside. His skin had a dry, scaly look to it and had a slightly green complexion. In his full form, he would bulk up and sprout wings and horns.

"You're one to talk, you shitty moss-head." Sanji said, setting a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice on the counter.

"I'm surprised there's even a human who has the guts to insult a Dragon." Zoro growled. "You're lucky you make good food, or else I would have chewed your ugly mug off ages ago."

"Oh, so lucky indeed." Sanji drawled. He reached under the counter and threw a hunk of bloody steak at Zoro. The Dragon nimbly caught it in his jaws and chewed noisily, blood dribbling between his fangs and down his chin.

"Disgusting." Sanji wrinkled his nose.

"Don't make me use these on you." Zoro warned, waving his three razor-edged tails around. "Wadou is feeling particularly blood-thirsty this week."

"I can't believe you named those things." Sanji held back a laugh. "That's about as pathetic as a guy naming his own cock."

"Oi, don't insult it! It's a common practice among Sword-tailed Dragons like myself." Zoro scowled. "And I'm one of the best fighters around, since I have _three_."

"So what? That's about as impressive as having three noses." Sanji said nonchalantly.

"This is why I hate humans. You're all so arrogant and shitty stupid." Zoro growled. His muscles began to bulge, straining against his thin T-shirt.

"Calm down, Swordtail-san." Robin pressed a hand against his chest and he immediately drooped down and meekly sat down beside her.

"Damn. I wish I could do that." Nami said admiringly.

"What's this shitty lizard doing here, anyways? Isn't he supposed to be healing at Chopper's?" Sanji poked the tranquilized Dragon in the head with a pen.

"He must have left without permission. Doctor-san isn't very pleased, I bet." Robin said, keeping a hand on Zoro's back so he wouldn't wake up and wreak havoc.

"You bet he isn't!" a pale fog blew into the café. Sanji couldn't see Ghosts, but he knew it was Usopp from the way the air shimmered where the Ghost was. His voice was also tinny and muffled to the human's ears. Robin and Nami, on the other hand, saw Ghosts as perfectly normal humans that appeared as if they were tangible and alive. The only thing off about their ordinary appearance was that they hovered.

"I had to hide in the wall to avoid being blown to smithereens!" Usopp said, his feet never touching his ground.

"You can't be hurt. You're intangible." Nami pointed out.

"It's pure instinct." Usopp crossed his arms. "Besides, Chopper's a really powerful Potion Master. He could destroy the entire world if he wanted to!"

"That's an exaggeration." Robin said. "Only Lord Whitebeard has the ability to do that, and he hasn't woken up in a millennium."

"Okay, but Chopper _can _blow up the entire county, with the right spells and ingredients." Usopp said, wringing his hands together. "Anyways, I came to take Zoro back." He floated forward, ignoring the zombie head that was nipping at his intangible heels like some sort of ghastly dog, and stuck a crystal-clear pin in Zoro's forehead. The Dragon vanished in a flash of white, to reappear in Chopper's shop.

"Is that a Demon finger bone?" Robin frowned, peering at the little pin.

"Only a shard." Usopp admitted, sheepishly stuffing it into his overall pocket. "Don't worry! Chopper didn't kill a Demon! That Demon already lost his hand in a fight with a Ghoul, so Chopper just picked it up after the battle. For teleportation purposes."

"Ah." Robin nodded.

"Oh, and Chopper still wants you to read him a bedtime story tonight."

"Then tell him I'll be there. Eight o'clock, right?"

"Yup." Usopp stuffed his hands in his pocket and slowly rotated on the spot like some sort of scrawny planet, an unconscious act.

"Wolf." Nami said, her ears and tail suddenly erect. She hissed softly and backed off behind the counter. Sanji stepped in front of her protectively. The air suddenly took on a static feeling, mixed with an ominous wind that raised the hair on the back of Sanji's neck.

"Uh, I just caught the "I-can't-stay-to-see-the-Wolf Syndrome" so I'll, uh, be off now. Bye!" Usopp shot up through the roof and out of sight.

"Coward." Sanji snorted, still in his protective stance.

The entire front wall (or what was left of it) suddenly exploded, concrete and glass spraying everywhere. The zombie heads shrieked and rolled around in circles and the arms drummed fingers along the ground. A hulking shadow stood before the two Supernaturals and the human, its shoulders visibly heaving up and down with its deep panting. Even the sunlight outside failed to illuminate its features. They could make out mangy fur and a tongue wildly licking its drooling fangs. Its eyes were hidden beneath shaggy bangs.

"GRRRROWWAAAAAAH!" the Wolf roared, dashing forward. Nami hissed louder and shuffled backward while Sanji spread his arms wide.

"Silly human. Maybe you can take on a _wolf_, but you're no match for a Wolf." Robin chuckled. She stepped in front of the charging beast. It sank its fangs into her shoulder, growling in satisfaction.

"Well, aren't you a hungry pup?" Robin smiled. She patted the Wolf's bulky head, much to its confusion. Suddenly, wire-thin tentacles burst out of the Demon's shoulder, right where the Wolf's jaws where. The Wolf yelped in surprise as the tentacles slithered up his throat, tearing at anything vulnerable or tender. Sanji couldn't help but shudder as blood spurted out of the Wolf's mouth and nose. The tentacles spread like roots underneath the Wolf's skin, giving the impression that its body was covered with bulging veins.

"There, there. No need to get all worked up." The tentacles retracted back into Robin's shoulders smoothly. The Wolf collapsed, its eyes rolled back in its head and its left hind leg twitching ever so slightly.

"I still think it's creepy when you do that." Nami said. "You _could _always just strangle them and be done with it. But no. You insist on making a mess of the business, tearing out organs and shredding muscles."

"It does make the attacks more fun. Cook-san, your café really _is_ a hotspot for Supernatural attacks." Robin said in mild surprise, brushing off her shoulder, the wounds already scarring over. "First the zombies, then the harpies, and then the Wolf."

"Maybe I'm just unlucky." Sanji shrugged. He sighed at the sight of the Wolf carcass, the puddle of blood beneath it slowly expanding. It would cost a fortune to repair the building, too.

"I'll take the body off your hands. Wolf meat goes nicely with barbecued cobras." Robin hoisted the massive creature over her shoulder and smiled at the other two. "I'll see you tonight, Nami-chan. Bye, Cook-san."

And with that, Hell's Oharan Demon vanished along with the Wolf carcass.

Sanji eyed the mess of zombie parts and harpie remains piled up against the eastern wall. He groaned and sank down on a chair, running his hands through his hair. "I'm going to have to close this place down soon. I can't keep going on like this."

"Cheer up, Sanji-kun!" Nami patted his back a little too hard, making the man choke. "These types of things have happened plenty before!"

"But without customers, I can't make enough money to pay off the bills." Sanji said in frustration, glaring at his seldom-used cash register.

"I would give you some of my treasures, but I can't." Nami said thoughtfully. "Hey, I'll get some of my buddies down from Hell to come here, maybe buy a meal or two. Besides, you have all of us. Me, Robin, Luffy, Brook, Zoro, Chopper, Usopp… isn't that enough?"

Sanji smiled up at Nami gratefully. "Excluding the shitty lizard. Thank you, Nami-san." He suddenly gasped. "Does that mean you'll go on a date with me???"

"In your dreams." Nami smacked Sanji.

"Mellorine…" Sanji grinned goofily. Nami sighed leaned against the counter and picked up the newspaper she didn't finish reading.

"There's going to be a storm on Thursday."

"Shit. I've gotta call Galley La before then."

"Oh, look here. The humans discovered a new method to kill werewolves, 48% more efficient than the last method of using silver bullets."

"That's optimistic."

"There's another article here about a fourth entrance to Hell discovered in the southern border of the city. Some kid fell inside it."

"Well, that sucks."

"Seriously? It also says here that the humans sent an search party, of all things after him! Why are they so _stupid_? Everyone knows that once you enter Hell, you need permission from a Demon to leave. That kid probably fell in a lava pit and burned into ashes by now."

"I bet. At least I'm not that ignorant, right Nami-san?"

"Zombies."

Two corpses were staggering inside, groaning and drooling ooze out of their chapped mouths. The fresh stench of decaying flesh overwhelmed the lingering scent of burning flowers Robin had left.

"Shit. Every time…" Sanji grabbed his rifle.

* * *

AN: I'm sorry! No Franky or Chopper, only mentions of them :( But Chopper was busy with Luffy and Zoro, and Franky was somewhere... damn, I really should have added him. But now I can't find a spot where I can squeeze him in. Damn.

Robin and Nami's species came from the obvious (if you can't figure it out, think of their epithets). Witches and nekos are kinda cliche, in my opinion. I don't know if Hell Cats really do come from somewhere. I came up with it on a spur of the moment. Hell Cat... think of a neko, but less fluffy and adorable. More vicious-like. But in Nami's case, she can't really help the cuteness e_e

Zoro's was completely random, and I just thought a Dragon would fit him better than a Werewolf. Besides, Werewolves are so overdone.

I didn't want to go with the obvious for Brook, since anyone else would have just kept him as a skeleton. This _is _an AU, so I wanted to try something different. Oh, and he's not a zombie. If he was a zombie, he would be moaning and plodding around. When I said cursed Immortal, I was thinking of a dude that was granted immortality except... cursed. And the immortality doesn't protect against body wounds. Take that, Edward Sparklepants! Sorry, couldn't resist...

Luffy and Sanji are simple humans, acquaintanced with the Supernatural. Ordinary enough. Sort of. No, not really. The cafe is run solely by Sanji (I have no idea if that's even possible, so just go with the flow) and it will remain nameless.

I was originally going to have a Werewolf attack, but then the thought of Jyabura came to mind and I simply didn't want to deal with the issue of what they would do with the Werewolf once Robin beat him up and he turned back into a guy. And I didn't want to have to find a character to fit the role of the Werewolf and have another block of dialogue dealing with him. Or her. So I made up a Wolf, which is simply a wolf that's much bigger and much stronger than a wolf. See how the capital letter makes a difference? Heheh... eh...

Well, that's enough blabbering from me! Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


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